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Funny 70th birthday wishes.
What to write.

A good funny 70th birthday wish names the milestone, lands a joke that fits the person, and stops before it outstays its welcome.

The wishes are sorted by who is writing. Pick your group, drop in the name, then sign.

Create a cardRead a sample card

Everyone's words in one card.

Updated

Marker lettering. Happy birthday. First round's on you. "us" is crossed out and "you" written above it.

Happy 70th. You do not look a day over complicated.

From Sam

The group chat has been full of your name for a week. Happy 70th.

From Aisha

Happy 70th. We got you a card instead of a cake because nobody could count that high.

From Tom

Pick a design

  • A party with balloons. Hold a balloon. Hold a friend. Happy birthday.
  • A roast potato. Happy birthday. Have the last roast potato.
  • A cupcake and the words one, two, twenty, forty. Happy birthday. We counted the candles. We ran out.
  • Half a biscuit over a mug of tea, the other half gone in, and the words one, two, three, four. Happy birthday. Try not to go soft.
  • Dinner together. Table for two, cake for one. The birthday rules.
  • Two-colour printed lettering. Happy birthday. Yes, there's cake. No, you don't have to speak.
  • Botanical birthday card. Happy birthday.
  • Tasting the wine. We tasted six. We remember four. Happy birthday.
  • A set of car keys. Happy birthday. Still got it. Not sure where you put it.
  • Cutpaper birthday card. Happy birthday.

The question

Each writer gets a question.

One at a time, about Sam. They answer in their own words, or write without one.

Who they are to you
  1. Something Sam did this year that you still think about.
  2. Words of Sam's that you have caught yourself using.
  3. A day Sam made better just by turning up.
  4. Something Sam taught you without meaning to.
  5. A small thing about Sam that nobody else would notice.
  6. The story about Sam you tell most.
  1. The moment you knew you had a proper friend in Sam.
  2. Something Sam did that only a friend would.
  3. A thing you still laugh about together.
  4. The time Sam turned up when it mattered.
  5. Something Sam knew about you before you said it.
  1. Something Sam did for the family that went unsaid.
  2. A habit of Sam's that you have caught yourself copying.
  3. A memory of Sam from when you were younger.
  4. Something Sam put up with from you.
  5. Something Sam taught you, mostly by example.
  1. A small thing Sam did that you noticed and never mentioned.
  2. The moment you knew.
  3. Something Sam did this year that made things easier for you.
  4. A thing about Sam you would not change.
  5. Something Sam carried that was yours to carry.
  1. The thing you go to Sam for.
  2. Something you picked up from working beside Sam.
  3. A bad day at work that Sam turned round.
  4. Something a new starter should be told about Sam.
  5. Something Sam did that made the job feel worth doing.

Or write without one.

Funny 70th birthday wishes

Pick your group and find a wish that sounds like you.

From a close friend

  • Seventy. You have now officially outlasted three of my plants and one of my marriages.

  • Happy 70th. You do not look a day over complicated.

  • I have known you for decades and I still do not know how you get away with it. Happy birthday.

  • Seventy years of you. The world is tired, but in the best way. Happy birthday.

  • Happy 70th. At this point we have seen each other at our worst, and I am still here.

From the group

  • We pooled our money, our memories, and our best stories about you. Happy 70th.

  • Seventy years. We have loved every chaotic minute of knowing you. Happy birthday.

  • Happy 70th from everyone who has sat at your table, borrowed your things, and never quite returned them.

  • The group chat has been full of your name for a week. Happy 70th.

From family

  • Happy 70th. We got you a card instead of a cake because nobody could count that high.

  • Seventy years of being the loudest, funniest person in any room. We would not change a thing.

  • Happy birthday. You have always said age is just a number, so we will not tell anyone what yours is.

  • Seventy looks exactly like you. Warm, loud, and completely in charge. Happy birthday.

  • Happy 70th. We tried to find a card that matched your personality, so we made our own.

Short and funny

  • Seventy. Still going. Happy birthday.

  • Happy 70th. Legendary status: confirmed.

  • Seventy years of this. Congratulations to all of us.

  • Happy birthday. The jokes write themselves at this point.

What to leave out

Do not reach for the old-age gags. The walking stick, the reading glasses, forgetting where you put things. Every other card will have one. They stopped being funny before this person turned fifty.

Do not write about how old seventy sounds. They know. The card should make them feel good, not remind them of a number.

Do not explain the joke. If it needs a note, cut it and find a better one.

Keep it kind underneath the funny. A joke with no warmth behind it is just a dig with a bow on.

One card from everyone

A seventieth usually draws a big crowd. Get the whole lot to sign one card instead of sending forty separate messages.

  1. 01

    Set the birthday.

    The card opens that morning and not before.

  2. 02

    Share the link.

    Everyone writes their own message, in a browser, no account needed.

  3. 03

    They read it on the day.

    Each wish carries a name. Funnier together than any single card.

Create a card

Questions

What makes a funny 70th birthday message actually land?

Specificity. A message that names something true about the person beats any generic joke about age. Write for them, not for the number.

Is it okay to joke about age in a 70th birthday card?

Gentle jokes are fine. Avoid anything about decline, health or memory, and keep the warmth visible underneath the humour.

How long should a funny 70th birthday message be?

Short. A quick joke lands harder than a paragraph building up to one.

Part of group birthday card.

More guides

Somebody has a day coming up.

Create a card

Everyone's words in one card.