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Sympathy thank you card.
What to write.

Thank them by name, mention the one thing they did, and say it helped. You do not need to say more than that.

The thank you messages below are sorted by what they did: attended the service, sent something, stayed close, or a short note for when you are writing many at once.

Create a cardRead a sample card

Everyone's words in one card.

Updated

Midcentury sympathy card. Thinking of you.

Thank you for coming. It was not close and I noticed you made the trip.

From Maya

The flowers were beautiful. Thank you for thinking of us.

From Dev

I will not forget what you did. Thank you, and I mean it.

From Ellen

Pick a design

  • A dark blue paper landscape. Thinking of you.
  • A pale stone on linen. Thinking of you.
  • Cutpaper sympathy card. Thinking of you.
  • Botanical sympathy card. Thinking of you.
  • Pop sympathy card. Thinking of you.
  • Stilllife sympathy card. Thinking of you.
  • A candle in a dark window. Thinking of you.
  • A candle. Thinking of you.
  • A paw print. So sorry about your pet. They had a good life with you.
  • A teapot. Thinking of you. The kettle's always on here.

The question

Each writer gets a question.

One at a time, about Sam. They answer in their own words, or write without one.

Who they are to you
  1. A memory you would like Sam to have.
  2. Something you saw between them that you will not forget.
  3. A thing you learned from the person who has died.
  4. Something kind you saw Sam do for them.
  5. What you will remember them for.
  6. A plain offer of help you mean to keep.
  1. The moment you knew you had a proper friend in Sam.
  2. Something Sam did that only a friend would.
  3. A thing you still laugh about together.
  4. The time Sam turned up when it mattered.
  5. Something Sam knew about you before you said it.
  1. Something Sam did for the family that went unsaid.
  2. A habit of Sam's that you have caught yourself copying.
  3. A memory of Sam from when you were younger.
  4. Something Sam put up with from you.
  5. Something Sam taught you, mostly by example.
  1. A small thing Sam did that you noticed and never mentioned.
  2. The moment you knew.
  3. Something Sam did this year that made things easier for you.
  4. A thing about Sam you would not change.
  5. Something Sam carried that was yours to carry.
  1. The thing you go to Sam for.
  2. Something you picked up from working beside Sam.
  3. A bad day at work that Sam turned round.
  4. Something a new starter should be told about Sam.
  5. Something Sam did that made the job feel worth doing.

Or write without one.

Sympathy thank you card messages

Pick the group that fits, use their name, and sign it.

For those who attended the service

  • Thank you for being there. Seeing your face that day meant more than I can say.

  • Your presence at the service was a comfort. I am glad you were in the room.

  • Thank you for coming. It was not close and I noticed you made the trip.

  • It helped to look out and see people who loved them too. Thank you for being one of them.

For flowers, food or a gift

  • The flowers were beautiful. Thank you for thinking of us.

  • Thank you for the food. On the days I could not think straight, it was there and it helped.

  • Your card arrived on a hard morning. I read it more than once. Thank you.

  • Thank you for the flowers. They were on the table all week and they made the room a little easier.

  • The meal you left meant we did not have to think about dinner for two days. Thank you.

For a close friend who stayed

  • You were there before I asked and you stayed when everyone else had gone home. Thank you.

  • Thank you for the week you gave me. I could not have done it without you beside me.

  • You sat with me through the worst of it and did not try to fix it. That was exactly right. Thank you.

  • Thank you for the calls, the visits and the silence when silence was what I needed.

  • I will not forget what you did. Thank you, and I mean it.

Short, for when you are writing many

  • Thank you for your kindness. It was felt.

  • Your support during this time meant a great deal. Thank you.

  • Thank you. Your thoughtfulness was a real comfort.

  • We are grateful for your kindness. Thank you.

What to leave out

Do not feel you have to explain your grief or say how you are doing. A sympathy thank you is for them, not a report on yourself.

Do not apologise for taking time to write. Nobody who sent flowers or attended a funeral is counting the days.

Avoid words that try to close the subject, like saying you are doing well now or that things are getting easier. Write only what is true on the day you write it.

Do not write a long card when a short one will do. The person receiving it knows this is hard to write. Four honest sentences are worth more than a paragraph that trails off.

One card from everyone who wants to say thank you

If several people want to thank the same person, one card is less work than many.

  1. 01

    Set the date.

    Choose when you want the card to arrive. It opens that morning for the person reading it.

  2. 02

    Ask who wants to sign.

    Each person gets one link and writes their own words. Nobody needs to coordinate.

  3. 03

    They read it when they are ready.

    Every message is signed with a name. They can keep it and come back to it.

Create a card

Questions

How long should a sympathy thank you card be?

Two or three sentences is enough. Name what they did, say it helped, and sign it.

How soon do you need to send a sympathy thank you card?

Within a few weeks is fine. Most people understand that the days after a loss are not for writing cards, and no reasonable person will be offended by a short delay.

Do you have to send a thank you card after a funeral?

There is no rule, but a short note to those who travelled, cooked or stayed is remembered kindly. It does not need to be long.

Part of group sympathy card.

More guides

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Create a card

Everyone's words in one card.