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Funny retirement cards.
Signed by everyone they worked with.

Our funny retirement cards are 23 designs about the good parts: the lie in, the weekday garden centre, the car park space somebody else gets now.

All 23 are made for a team to sign together from one link.

Create a cardRead a sample card

Everyone's words in one card.

Updated

An envelope. Happy retirement. You can go to the post office at eleven now.

The front is a joke. The thank you is not. Enjoy every Monday.

From Joe

Thirty years, one mug, no complaints. Happy retirement.

From Priya

Happy retirement. I will finally have to read my own emails.

From Kofi

Pick a design

  • A mug. Happy retirement. The kettle's on all day now.
  • A bed. Happy retirement. The lie-in starts now.
  • A pot plant and the words three, two, one. Happy retirement. Garden.
  • A pen. Happy retirement. The crossword starts at nine.
  • Marker lettering. Retirement plan: sort the loft. "relax" is crossed out and "sort the loft" written above it.
  • A set of car keys. Happy retirement. The car park space is up for grabs.
  • A suitcase. Happy retirement. Off-peak everything, forever.
  • Marker lettering with a highlighter stroke. Happy retirement from everyone who's ever asked you where something is.
  • A pot plant. Happy retirement. The garden's been waiting.
  • Marker lettering with a highlighter stroke. Happy retirement. The pension's yours. The stapler is ours.
  • Marker lettering with a highlighter stroke. We'll still ring you when we can't find the file.
  • A bench. Monday is just a day now.
  • Marker lettering with a highlighter stroke. Retired. Which means you'll be busier than ever, apparently.
  • A pot plant. Enjoy the garden centre on a weekday. It's a different world.
  • Two-colour printed lettering. They say you'll miss it. You won't.
  • A small boat. Gone fishing. Properly this time.
  • Two-colour printed lettering. No more reply-all.
  • Marker lettering with a highlighter stroke. You were the office. We're just people who sit in it.
  • Marker lettering. Retired, not finished. "old" is crossed out and "finished" written above it.
  • An alarm clock. No more alarms.
  • A teapot. Happy retirement. Tea at a sensible time.
  • Two-colour printed lettering. All those meetings. You've earned the quiet.

The question

Each writer gets a question.

One at a time, about Sam. They answer in their own words, or write without one.

Who they are to you
  1. Something Sam built that will outlast the job.
  2. The first thing you remember about Sam.
  3. A thing Sam taught you that you still use.
  4. The story about Sam that gets told the most.
  5. Something Sam always made time for.
  6. Something Sam never got enough credit for.
  1. The moment you knew you had a proper friend in Sam.
  2. Something Sam did that only a friend would.
  3. A thing you still laugh about together.
  4. The time Sam turned up when it mattered.
  5. Something Sam knew about you before you said it.
  1. Something Sam did for the family that went unsaid.
  2. A habit of Sam's that you have caught yourself copying.
  3. A memory of Sam from when you were younger.
  4. Something Sam put up with from you.
  5. Something Sam taught you, mostly by example.
  1. A small thing Sam did that you noticed and never mentioned.
  2. The moment you knew.
  3. Something Sam did this year that made things easier for you.
  4. A thing about Sam you would not change.
  5. Something Sam carried that was yours to carry.
  1. The thing you go to Sam for.
  2. Something you picked up from working beside Sam.
  3. A bad day at work that Sam turned round.
  4. Something a new starter should be told about Sam.
  5. Something Sam did that made the job feel worth doing.

Or write without one.

What to write under the joke

After the joke, say what they did.

From a colleague

  • The front is a joke. The thank you is not. Enjoy every Monday.

  • You taught me half of this job and none of the shortcuts. Happy retirement.

  • Happy retirement. Nobody else knows where the spare keys are, so leave a note.

From the team

  • From all of us, who will now have to answer our own questions.

  • Thirty years, one mug, no complaints. Happy retirement.

  • Happy retirement from the team that will pretend not to miss you.

From a manager

  • Thank you for every year, and for leaving us the good stapler.

  • Happy retirement. You leave the place better than you found it, and quieter.

  • Happy retirement. I will finally have to read my own emails.

Getting the tone right

Funny works when the person likes a laugh at their own expense. If you are not sure, ask somebody who sat near them.

Put the jokes on the front and the thanks inside. People keep a retirement card for years, and the notes are what they reread.

How it works

One card, one link, every name on it.

  1. 01

    Pick a front.

    Any card above. You can change it until the first person signs.

  2. 02

    Send the link.

    Each person adds their own note from a browser. Nobody needs the app.

  3. 03

    It opens on their last day.

    They read every note on their phone, and keep it.

Create a card

Questions

Can a whole team sign a retirement card online?

Yes. One person picks the card and shares the link, and everybody writes a note. It opens on their last day.

Is a funny retirement card a good idea?

For somebody who likes a joke, yes. Keep the thanks inside sincere.

Can people who have already left sign it?

Yes. Anybody with the link can sign, so old colleagues can be asked too.

Part of group retirement card.

More guides

Somebody has a day coming up.

Create a card

Everyone's words in one card.